Dear Amy: Over 40 years ago, I committed a serious crime.
Nobody was physically hurt, but I scared the devil out of a small group of individuals.
The crime was for financial gain and I planned it prematurely.
My wife knew and begged me to not, but I felt I had no selection.
My wife used the proceeds of the crime and willingly released it. I used to be never caught.
For 30 years, we never talked about this incident since the memory was too painful for each of us.
Nonetheless, up to now 10 years, when she may be very indignant with me or tries to make me do something she wants me to do, she threatens to inform my adult children and grandchildren: “what sort of person you actually are.”
That is pure blackmail. Sometimes he says that after my death he’ll tell the entire story to his family in his own way.
Since then, I actually have never repeated any illegal acts, I actually have had a great life and I feel I actually have made a positive contribution to many individuals with my work.
I considered telling my children as truthfully and factually as I could, and I wrote and edited my confession persistently to share with them.
I didn’t send this confession. It’s password protected on my hard disk drive.
I believe my grown children will understand and forgive. I shudder on the thought that my grandchildren know this.
Do you see one other way? If my wife finally tells the story, it is going to be embroidered along with her perspective and over 40 years of what she desires to bring to the story. Her temperament is famous.
What do you think that I should do?
– Reformed
Dear Reformed: I believe you need to meet with a lawyer, provide a whole and accurate account of what you’ve gotten done, and discuss your options, including admitting the crime and making amends to the victims or institution you’ve gotten harmed. (Your statute of limitations, which might have been prosecuted several many years ago, has probably expired.)
After which – yes – you need to tell your loved ones about it. Thus, you’ll remove that episode out of your wife’s bag of tricks. It will be best should you and your wife did it together – however it might not be possible. (For my part, you need to make this statement in person – not in a written document, but perhaps by reading out of your document if it makes it easier.)
It’s best to acknowledge your wife’s objection to your plan and take full responsibility in your actions. It’s best to answer any questions and reassure your kids that you’ve gotten done all the things you’ll be able to to live an exemplary life since then.
After which you need to ask for his or her forgiveness. Also make an apology out of your wife. Her attempts to blackmail you might be regrettable, but… well, you began it.
A wedding counselor may also help mediate other personal or family issues related to the crime and confessions.
Dear Amy: I’m a 48-year-old woman who has been dating a 52-year-old man for 4 years.
He’s a reticent man.
She doesn’t at all times tell how she feels, but she often expresses what she feels through gestures.
Nonetheless, I’m able to quiet down. I’m ready for marriage.
I’m able to see where this relationship is de facto going, so do you think that I can ask my boyfriend to marry him?
– Pondering
Dear wondering: One quick method to see where your relationship is headed is to ask your longtime boyfriend to marry you.
Before you try this, there are two vital questions you need to ask yourself: Is that this little-talking, slow sip of water the precise person to bet on all of this? Do you’ve gotten a plan for what to do if he sews, hovers, doesn’t answer you, and doesn’t make an eloquent gesture?
If that’s the case, absolutely – go.
Dear Amy: Regarding the post-pandemic hug issue, I recently attended knowledgeable conference in person.
All of us had a reputation tag and a lanyard, however the novelty was that we could select the colour of our lanyard (red, yellow, or green) depending on how conscious we’re a couple of handshake or other touch.
Green meant going all the best way (high-five or handshakes), yellow meant “I’m still careful” and red meant “I really need to maintain my social distance – without touching.”
I figured it was a sensible method to get back into the world of private events.
– Yellow for me
Dear Yellow: I like this.
(You’ll be able to email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You may as well follow her on Twitter @query or Facebook.)
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