Dear Amy: My husband and I are having a hot tub delivered soon.
We plan to make use of it during daylight without wearing swimwear.
Yes, nude! Yes, we now have neighbors, about 40 feet away, who could see us in the event that they decide to — in the bathtub or hopping from our terrace door 20 feet to the bathtub.
We’re not shy and don’t plan to cover up. And no, we’re not going to “exhibit” ourselves.
We just need to enjoy our tub in our birthday suits.
Some non-neighbor friends are appalled.
Your thoughts?
— Bare as God Intended, EH
Dear Bare: You can be romping only on your personal property, and I can’t imagine that your nudity could be breaking any laws (you must check your local statutes).
Nevertheless, are you perhaps reveling within the prospect of alarming your neighbors? Just slightly bit?
And yes — after all — despite what you claim, you do appear to be planning to “exhibit” yourselves.
It could be easy so that you can drape a towel around yourselves for that 20-foot journey from your home to the recent tub (don’t you would like a towel, anyway?).
You may have neighbors who would select to drag their shades, construct a tall (or taller) fence, or just stop using their very own backyard — or you would possibly have neighbors who would welcome your hot tubbing by training binoculars in your direction or photographing you from their property and posting photos or video on social media.
It’s something of a tough legal issue, but when neighbors can freely see you from their very own property without peering through a window or a fence, your personal right to privacy is less assured.
Dear Amy: My wife and I are close friends with a married couple we now have each known since we were all kids growing up together.
Nevertheless, my wife and her best friend haven’t spoken in six years.
While all of us agree that the friend had been quite “excessive” in lots of instances, she did apologize twice — but my wife just can’t forgive her.
Her husband and I even have still managed to keep up our close friendship, keeping in contact by phone and email (since we live in several states).
My problem is that their granddaughter is about to be married, and we now have been invited to the marriage.
My wife refuses to go, saying that her friend hurt her very badly and that I could be disloyal if I’m going.
I need to be there for my friend, but don’t know if that may be disloyal to my wife.
This wedding is in one other state and would require two overnight stays.
My friend would completely understand if I don’t go, but I worry that I shouldn’t allow my wife to dictate my actions this fashion.
Any suggestions?
— Wedding Wondering
Dear Wondering: Your wife has the non-public right to proceed her estrangement from her former best friend, but she doesn’t have the best to insist that you just maintain an estrangement from your personal close friend.
Your wife’s ex-friend has made numerous bids to win your wife’s attention, and alluring you each to this vital family celebration is a significant effort on their part (what number of grandparents have the license to ask their very own friends to a grandchild’s wedding?). Attending would obviously even be a significant effort in your part.
For my part, attending this wedding wouldn’t display disloyalty to your wife, but in your household my opinion is not going to matter all that much.
Dear Amy: I applaud your response to J in NY, the uncle who feels a baby should hug an adult even when uncomfortable.
I used to be raised within the generation who believed children should make other people glad and permit unwanted touching, even when uncomfortable.
After I was touched inappropriately, I kept quiet. After I was sexually harassed, I kept quiet. I had been taught to disregard my very own discomfort.
I’m determined that my young daughter can have autonomy over who’s allowed to the touch her. She is the kid, and she or he just isn’t answerable for adult feelings.
We have now already had issues with members of the family, and even strangers, attempting to invade her space.
Other loving adults in a baby’s life mustn’t take it personally. As a substitute, they need to try to grasp that all of us have to protect our kids from the damaging people lurking within the shadows.
— Mama Bear
Dear Mama Bear: Tragically, predators are most frequently not “dangerous people lurking within the shadows,” but members of the family or friends.
(You may email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You too can follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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